Through Sickness and Through Health

 This week while studying Gottman's book I was able to pick up many key phrases and "golden bits" that have helped me with the hardships my husband and I are going through. Every marriage has "gridlocks" or sort of a gray area where neither the husband or the wife wants to give up on their hopes and dreams. In these times when pride is coming into play the very best thing to do is turn towards each other instead of away from each other or towards anything else.     I find in these days as soon as things get rough or a marriage hits rock bottom couples are almost encourages to separate. Gridlocks are normal in every marriage, Gottman does not think having these is an end all. Gottman encourages couples to care for each others dreams. I love how Gottman talks so much about the importance of dreams and spouses feeling like they can support and encourage the others dreams. This alone can make the spouses turn towards one another and essentially become each others...

   I saw many couples in my childhood that were constantly arguing and going back and forth about different concerns. I never heard many loving words or affection being echoed, but the screams never ceased it seemed like. My husband and I are coming up on our first year of marriage next month and we have not raised our voices once at each other when we argue.  This is not because we are "just so good" or "in our honeymoon stage still"  we have definitely gone through a lot trials so far in our first year. I just made the decision before I even met him that I would not be one of those "loud and crazy Latina wives".I have never responded well when I am being yelled at, and have never been the type to want to yell back. I would rather just not say anything or just walk away than converse with someone who was screaming at me, the only exception to this seemed to be my siblings.  I would never want to speak to the futur...

 While reading the many amazing  resources  this week, I  reflected   on what  makes pride so damaging and other ways we as humans  can   subtly  be prideful without  intentionally  doing so.. I  found  that pride in marriage  specifically  can be a huge wedge even for spouses that truly and  devoutly  love  each other. Pride can be the start of long and hurtful arguments, and eventually the reason a marriage is broken. As Goddard so eloquently said   "We presume to understand their thoughts, motives and intent better than even they themselves do." This puts us in the mindset that we know more, we know best and whoever is  arguing  with us clearly does not know what they are talking about. This does not just start by us  having gone simple conversation and coming to the realization that we know more but it stems from thoughts and those thoughts of pride...

      I never understood how deep respect and love for one another in the hardest and most vulnerable moments could eventually become a strength in the long run. I know now that confiding in my husband and turning to him rather than my sister or mother is something that strengthens our relationship. I have always had mistrust with men because of my home life and my past so becoming so honest and vulnerable with my husband did not come easy. I saw so many relationships of the complete opposite that it almost became what I thought I should do.       Throughout our marriage and even our relationship when we were dating it was hard for both of us to open up, we shared only the surface level of pain or struggle. I know for me personally it almost felt more secure and receiving to know someone I cared for so much was not aware of all my baggage and heartache. The more I cared and slowly started for my husband the less I wanted to share and let him know of all ...

   Having someone on your side and looking out for you is something we all want. Marriage is not a one time done and won, it's constant work for days, weeks, months and hopefully many years. I think it is so powerful to nurture fondness and admiration, especially if you want a long-lasting marriage. I think this is so important because no matter the situation whether it be a relative or a spouse or a best friend there is something bound to happen where you may not be too fond of that person. I have seen it in my own marriage, where I or my husband do something the other is not too fond about it is hard to feel admiration towards the other person in the moment. I have always wanted to think of how I can better serve or help my husband, it humbles me to help him in what he needs because then it makes me think of his problems or what he is going through instead of my own all the time. I think this is also super critical, to help fond admiration and appreciation. This is somethin...

   I thought it was very interesting throughout the week how we learned about how things can tense up fast in a marriage, especially if there is poor communication. I have seen in so many marriages stonewalling, it's fascinating how this keeps the other person out but traps the stonewaller inside . I have seen a lot of marriages where stonewalling has been something they have not been able to overcome, it can in the end be so  detrimental  to the couple. I think  it is especially interesting how one or two stonewalling incidents by one particular individual in the couple just cause a damage that could potentially damage everything they have potentially worked for.    I think it is super duper important in the same way Gottoman believes to  have a great friendship with your spouse.I have seen that if you are genuinely good friends with your spouse and have a lot in common then when things get very tough you have hav...