Dreams L10

 This week while studying Gottman's book I was able to pick up many key phrases and "golden bits" that have helped me with the hardships my husband and I are going through. Every marriage has "gridlocks" or sort of a gray area where neither the husband or the wife wants to give up on their hopes and dreams. In these times when pride is coming into play the very best thing to do is turn towards each other instead of away from each other or towards anything else.

    I find in these days as soon as things get rough or a marriage hits rock bottom couples are almost encourages to separate. Gridlocks are normal in every marriage, Gottman does not think having these is an end all. Gottman encourages couples to care for each others dreams. I love how Gottman talks so much about the importance of dreams and spouses feeling like they can support and encourage the others dreams. This alone can make the spouses turn towards one another and essentially become each others biggest encouragers. "To go all the way" is something that Gottman describes as becoming all for a spouses dreams and aspirations, although this tends not to happen all the time it can definitely be a very positive thing. The basis of being able to understand and show even a little interest in a spouses dream can be of comfort as well, just for the spouse sharing the dream to feel acknowledged and listened to.

     In my own marriage my husband has the dream of singing and playing guitar together, he is very musical but I am not so comfortable singing in front of people. I understand where he is coming from and I want to work towards that too since it matters to him but it is not something I necessarily planned on. I am willing to do these things for him because it is a dream of his he holds very dear to his heart, even if it will make me step out of my comfort zone.

     I know in our marriage since we are coming up on our first year of marriage we do not know what lyes ahead.Something that helps us is being on the same page with our dreams, we have a dream board in our living room of what we are working towards. Unifying and knowing each others dreams has helped us a lot. We are working everyday to overcome our differences, now that I know what gridlock is and will be able to recognize it and hopefully that knowledge will help.